The holidays were a special time for julio. Every year julio's family would get together to feast on plump turkey for thanksgiving and rip paper off boxes to glance at what each other has got for one another. The winter holidays for julio was a time that his family would come together.
On November 24th, a day before thanksgiving, Julio's mom went out shopping. It was very icy that morning and pre caution was to be used when driving. Coming home she received a call that her mom was sick. She drove like a pissed off teenager home. She hit a patch of ice and slid into the house. Julio heard the crash from the backyard. He turned to see his mom dead in the car and dad hit by the car, blood spilling out. Later that night, Julio's only grandma died.
That year, Julio spent the holidays alone...
The fixed and moving actions of this piece work well, sowing how Julio feels about the holidays and then what happens to ruin them. It moved quickly and smoothly, and didn't linger on any details for too long.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the beginning didn't specify the second holiday and it sounded like it was still talking about Thanksgiving until I had to scan it. A couple of parts like that are a bit unclear, so just try to clean them up a bit.
Nice piece!
great fixed and moving action. What holiday is it?
ReplyDelete